Doughnuts

Here's how you make doughnuts:

Doughnuts - Time: ages, Makes: too many

Place the following, in order, into a large bowl:

• 5g yeast,
• 300g bread flour,
• 75g milk,
• 75g water,
• 40g melted, unsalted butter
• 50g egg, (one medium egg)
• 40g sugar,
• 4g salt

Right, you know bread? Make it like that - except you proof the dough in the fridge, overnight.

In the morning: roll the dough to about 2cm, cut it into just any old shapes at all, let them rise for an hour, then deep fry them at 180°C for 45 seconds on each side.

Dope.

It's as easy as that, food bloggers! No waffling about how fussy an eater your awful husband is, or how an ingredient reminds you of that time you saw a cute frog. One recipe, one picture, done.

I don't care that your great cousin Granice lost her virginity to a poppy seed roll and I don't need to see twelve, near-identical, soft-focus photos of your AGA. My scroll wheel can only take so much!

And for Christ's sake don't ask the public to leave you comments underneath; they'll just bugger the recipe up somehow. "I used hydrogenated beef tallow instead of raisins and now my kestrel is sick. 2/5 stars!".

Please... I'm so hungry.

Mr. Jordan